Funny Raccoon Ugly Christmas Sweater Drink Bourbon Hate People

Some Christmas sweaters try to look nice. This one just tells the truth. If your idea of a holiday party involves a glass of bourbon in one hand and a short patience for small talk, this funny ugly Christmas sweater was basically written about you, or at least about the uncle everyone knows.

The Raccoon in the Santa Hat Holding a Drink

The sweater comes in a soft cream base with bands of burnt orange, deep red, and navy running across it, the same faded holiday stripe pattern you’d expect from a sweater pulled out of storage every December. Snowflakes and small pine trees fill the space around a raccoon wearing a red Santa hat, gripping a glass like he’s already three toasts deep into the evening. Turn it around and the back keeps the same raccoon and the same striped backdrop, with tiny raccoons holding foam mugs lined up along the bottom hem, so the joke carries all the way through instead of stopping at the front.

“That’s What I Do, I Drink Bourbon”

That line sits right above the raccoon, and it reads less like a slogan and more like something someone actually said at a family dinner last year. It’s the kind of line that gets read out loud by whoever’s standing closest, which is usually the whole point of wearing something like this to a holiday gathering in the first place.

“I Hate People and I Know Things”

Underneath, the second line finishes the joke and gives the raccoon his personality: unbothered, mildly done with everyone, and completely fine with a drink instead of conversation. We built this one for the people who’d rather wear the joke than explain it every time someone asks how their holiday is going. It works for an ugly sweater contest at the office, a family gathering where somebody always brings up something they shouldn’t, or just an evening at home avoiding calls while nursing a glass of bourbon by the tree. As a small apparel shop that leans into holiday humor as much as everyday wear, we designed this one to hold up past December too, since a raccoon that hates people and drinks bourbon doesn’t really go out of style. Pull it on for the next party where you know exactly one relative is going to bring up politics, and let the sweater handle the small talk for you.